I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
