did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
