wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
