He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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