chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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