: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
