I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
