i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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