how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
