can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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