the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
