Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
