I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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