the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
