There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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