she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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