I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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