Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
