Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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