I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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