I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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