I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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