he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
