The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
