New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
