I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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