Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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