Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize