So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
