If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
