Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
