every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
