Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
