Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
