You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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