Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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