wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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