i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
