apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
