So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I can't put those talents on a resume
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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