i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
