So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
