just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
