I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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