i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
