Ambien. No doubt about it.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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