24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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