It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
