Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
