I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
