hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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