he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
