We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My penis needs a shock collar
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
