Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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