The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
