okay pat passed out under dana's car
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize