The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
