The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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