Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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