i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
