After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
