i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
